Giving up on Painless Life/All Dead White Boys say God is Good

Bonhoeffer, one of the most famous theologians of our time, has been immortalized for his phrase concerning costly grace..."when Christ calls a man he bids him come and die". I don't know why but the first time i read that and even when i approach the gospels i have a very almost romantic notion of flesh-dying-and-spiritual-seed-planting in that hole. From root canals to lodged bullets things that poison us must be pulled out no matter the cost. Why should i think that any sin hanging out in my body should be any different? If anything the nature of sin should contort and disfigure my soul if i let it impregnate me. Funny that you don't hear many folks (pastor-folk) talking like that.

For as many writhing moments i have had broken in my weakness to defeat the flesh in me i am still content in the greatness of the depth my Saviour went to give me an oppurtunity to fight. This kind of fighting-until-death will be the most painful thing we will ever endure. C.S Lewis, in his Great Divorce uses the illusion of an iguana sitting on your shoulder for indwelling sin and as you try to pull it off it only digs its claws in deeper. Folks in the book give into the pain and accept it as normal so eventually the pain turns them numb.

Pain of sin still tells me i am not numb to it which is a good thing. Numbness scares me. God seems to care least for numb apathetic individuals who won't even feel His heartbeat let alone their own. Physical death seems to be a release from all this but only comes after I have fought, scratched, and lost teeth in the effort to rid my life of this poisonous disease by loving more of Christ.